Social Media Algorithms

Judge: Order, order, order! Who is the defendant today?

Prosecution: Social media algorithms, your honor. The code culpable for narcotizing the entire population of the planet, making them no less than the zombies that plants are a little too used to beating. The defendant is representing all social media platforms, including Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and the likes.

Judge: Instagram? I’m not watching Instagram! Who said that?

Defendant: The prosecution your honor.

Prosecution: No I didn’t! Shut up! Ahem. Forgive me, your honor. Shall we get started?

Judge: Go ahead with the prosecution.

Prosecution: Your honor, as you and I both know, we can’t put down Instagram Reels, or TikTok. I got so used to swiping up, I once flung my toothpaste off my brush! The average person spends 2 hours and 24 minutes on social media, either envying their friends' trip to Maldives, or watching a dog dance to ‘Dance Till You’re Dead’.

Defendant: Your honor, is it really my fault if people choose to spend their time on these apps? Let me ask you a question: If a man shoots someone using a pistol, do you arraign the man, or the pistol?

Prosecution: If the pistol was capable of releasing dopamine in the man’s brain, then yeah, I would blame the gun.

Defendant: Objection! That’s irrelevant! If some humans lack the willpower to overcome something as trivial as dopamine-

Prosecution: Willpower my butt! You ha-

Judge: Order in the court! Prosecution, continue with your argument.

Prosecution: A thousand pardons, your honor. I now call The Myanmar Crisis 2017 to the stand.

Ms. Crisis, was there hostility towards the Rohingya Muslim minority in your country in 2017?

Myanmar Crisis 2017: Yes, there was.

Prosecution: Did this culminate into hate speech and, eventually, violence?

Myanmar Crisis 2017: Yes, it did.

Prosecution: Were there reports that Facebook “played a determining role” in the hate speech and eventual violence? 

Myanmar Crisis 2017: Yes, there were.

Prosecution: I rest my case.

Judge: Defendant, you’re looking guilty. Wanna question the witness?

Defendant: Yes your honor, I do ‘wanna’ question the witness.

Ms. Crisis, tell me, in what time period did these ethnic divides exist?

Myanmar Crisis 2017: The 19th century were the first records, but it’s highly likely they existed before then.

Defendant: Did Facebook exist at that time?

Myanmar Crisis 2017: No, it did not.

Defendant: I rest my case.

Prosecution: So what? Gasoline can stay as it is for a long time, but a spark is what causes the fire!

Defendant: The spark is not Facebook. The spark is the people on Facebook. People are the problem, every single time.

Prosecution: Your algorithm brings hate speech to the front page! The terrorists are there, but you’re the one who is transporting the terrorists right in front of the people’s faces!

Defendant: People want me to bring this stuff to their faces! They know what they are signing up for when they accept the user agreement and privacy policy. I only show the truth, and people want the truth. It’s not my problem that the truth can affect people the wrong way sometimes.

Prosecution: Oh, the truth? So what about the deepfakes you help “bring to people’s faces” of The President robbing a Kentucky Diner?

Judge: That’s it, we’re straying off-topic. I have reached the verdict. I find the defendant… NOT GUILTY! Mainly because I have to catch a livestream right now, but whatever.