I'm Spider-Man's Laundry Guy

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 So you know how the Green Goblin has a glider guy, or how Cap has a shield cleaner guy?

Well, I’m Spider-Man’s laundry guy. I’m one of the few people that he trusts with his secret identity, and of course I’m honored and all but… did it really have to be me? There are so many laundromats in New York, and still, Pe- sorry, Spider-Man (whoops), just had to pick me. Some days it’s slime that a hater threw on his suit (and they had to use green slime, you know, the one that contrasts the most with the costume). Some days it’s condensed Goblin Laughing Gas. I was laughing so much that an old lady outside Marriott took it personally and called security on me. 

How is condensing a laughing gas even scientifically possible? Leave it to the Goblin to find ways to do this, but not solve world hunger. Supervillains these days, I tell you.

Okay okay, I know what you’re going to say: “He’s Spider-Man. He saves your butt every other day. The least you could do is wash his damn clothes.”

I get it. But I need to make an honest living. I have lost around 200 bucks just because the Webhead’s attire takes 16 hours to wash. and 16 more to dry. I have got a black hole (i.e. my stomach) to feed.

Yes, I have tried asking Spidey to endorse my laundry business, but he has always said that it will attract danger, people like Doc Ock. Frankly, I’ll take it. Ock’s suit really needs a cleaning. He literally looks homeless.

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