You are Who you Pretend to Be*

Let’s talk about identity. Not in the abstract or theoretical way but in the real, everyday kind of way. The who are you when you’re half-asleep while doomscrolling. kind of way.

You probably think you know who you are. You’ve got a name, an about on social media, a music playlist that describes you better than words ever could. But pause for a second. If you were to take away every visible signal, like the likes, the comments, the tags, the profile pictures, what would be left? And would that version of you still feel like you?

The thing is, we are all actors. I don’t mean fake, but more like filtered. You act differently in front of your parents than you do with your friends. You use a different kind of speech in a job interview compared to on Snapchat. And on texts you’re probably a curated, refined version of yourself.

So the question isn’t “Are you being fake?” It’s “Which version of you are you being today?”

This isn't a digital crisis caused by the rise of social media like what people say is the cause of every other problem. It’s a human truth that’s just amplified now. In the past, your identity was largely shaped by geography, family, and culture. Now, it’s also shaped by your internet history, your DMs, your subreddits. You might live in the US, but your soul lives on a forum with hundreds of strangers who understand your exact niche.

And here’s the paradox. We’re told to be ourselves, but also told to build a personal brand. We’re told to be authentic, but also to remember that employers might see our tweets. So we start mixing truth with strategy. We fillet away edges. We try on masks, and some don’t fit, some surprise us, and some we keep for the rest of the ride.

Is that wrong?

Maybe identity was never supposed to be a fixed thing. Maybe the pressure to be one consistent person is actually what’s unnatural. Let’s think about it. Every major phase of your life had a different you. You were a different person at 12 than you are now, and thank god for that. You’ll probably enjoy talking about property values when you’re older. So why is digital identity, the version of us that is allowed the most space to experiment, expected to stay the same?

Maybe pretending is actually practice.

Maybe the version of yourself you perform today online is a sketch of who you’re trying to become, who you want to be. You post confident things when you’re scared. You try humor when you feel awkward. You say smart things to believe them yourself. That’s not fake. That’s growth.

So maybe you aren’t who you pretend to be. Maybe:

You Will Be Who You Pretend to Be*